career_horizon_sheenaengineering2008

Doing something different from everyone else can be a hard
and lonely place to be, you really have to want it. You might
even have to get angry sometimes to move you past people
who push you aside simply because you are a woman,
whether you are Muslim or not.

Just remember to pick your battles wisely - because no
matter the field, both men and women in every society need
to work harmoniously and as women we want our talents to
shine above all else. So, to achieve your goals as a woman,
you need to let some things go, but it’s worth the opportunity
to live and lead your life doing what you love.

As a divorcee, I felt like I was walking around with a
“divorce tag” on my forehead; people also knew that I was
an independent working woman - which didn’t quite
resonate well with traditional mother-in-laws to be. It was
difficult to find someone again and I was lonely for many
years. A mother-daughter relationship is so complex and
wonderful and everything in between. My mother was my
best friend and it was hard for me to lose her and the kind
of support only mothers can give their daughters.

I was born and raised in the U.S. by Pakistani parents. My father, a doctor, was called over to the U.S. during the Vietnam
War due to the shortage of adequate medical personnel. My mother was pregnant with me at the time and came to
America to join my father in Philadelphia where I was born. We then moved to New Jersey where we have lived ever since.

As a young woman, I always did well in school, but I especially liked Math and Science. My father put a lot of pressure on me
to become a doctor but I wanted to follow my favorite uncle's footsteps and become an engineer, though even my favorite
uncle discouraged me from doing so - he didn’t think that the money was that great. I also came to a point in my life where I
experienced an identity crisis as a Muslim and Pakistani in America; I actually wanted to move back to Pakistan and study
engineering there instead. I even declined admission to several American universities including Lehigh. Then, just when
my family and I were close to returning to Pakistan, we changed our minds and decided to stay. My father and I still clashed
on the engineering issue but eventually I went on to study engineering at Rutgers University in New Jersey where I obtained
both my Bachelors and Masters degree in Industrial Engineering.

At first I contemplated a career in Civil Engineering but during my freshman year we were exposed to various engineering
fields and a fellow student who described Industrial Engineering to me (something I had never heard of) won me over. It
appealed to me on the fact that it was based on organizing systems and would give me the best opportunities to work with
people from all disciplines. As an Industrial Engineer, I knew I could really put my varied talents to work. So after college, I
worked at the World Trade Center for 5 years as an Industrial Management Engineer for the Port Authority of New York and
New Jersey. I had apartments in New Brunswick and Jersey City to help ease the commute because I was also taking
computer networking classes in the evenings. On the weekends, I would go home to be with my family.

At the time, I was also married - for about 3 months. Underestimating the various responsibilities I had at work and the
demands of a rigorous commute, my ex-husband’s family put out there that I was ‘going off with other men all day’ and not
really working as I claimed to be. While rumors circulated, community gossip smeared my reputation. As unfair as it was, I
found it interesting that he and his family did not seem to mind that I was bringing home a solid paycheck every week! Aside
from not appreciating that I had own mind, they also chose not to acknowledge the tremendous pressure I was under,
which really hurt me.

My mother was sick at the time and as I was receiving my Diploma in Computer Networking, she was admitted to the
hospital for a liver transplant. She died 15 days after the operation. Looking back, I only regret that she not only suffered
from her illness but that she died with a broken heart – no mother wants to see her daughter get divorced. She wanted me
to have choices and encouraged me to do well in school, to be independent, career-oriented and smart with money. She
was very proud of me and told all her friends about her “Engineer daughter”. On the one hand, my mom always encouraged
me to pursue my goals, but on the other, she wanted me to be married above anything else. Her death affected me
immensely - I have changed as a result, in a way that’s not definable. I actually moved home permanently to be with my
father and took on a new position (at MCI WorldCom) as a Network Engineer almost right away. My job kept me extremely
busy and from drowning in my own sorrow.

ABOUT ME

ABOUT DOING WHAT YOU LOVE

Engineering is still not seen as a woman-friendly field and the barriers are plenty. While I was in school and advancing in my career, I was the only Muslim woman I knew doing this.
Being from a conservative and traditional background and being in a field characterized by mostly male environments, it was tough on more than one level. I have found that within
my community, it is a double-edged sword to be a professional woman. On the one hand, they are proud of my accomplishments. On the other hand, they are puzzled by my choices.
Many did not like that I worked in an all male environment and I’ve certainly had to hear a lot about that. I am always careful at work to not be alone with any man even at lunch. I’ve
also befriended the wives of my co-workers and do not have any interaction with their husbands outside of work-related matters, but all my self-imposed discretion did not seem to
change minds that much even as I moved on to work at Comcast four years later. Throughout my career, I often felt like I was being scrutinized either in the work environment or
within my community no matter how hard I strived to maintain a good character. It’s almost as if you can’t win. I remember being frequently left without a lab partner in school and
excluded from study groups just because of my gender; the fact that I often did better in class didn’t seem to mean anything. I also found that it was necessary to work twice as hard
as a man just to prove myself over and over again. At one company I worked with, I had to solicit union support just to be taken seriously and because of that most male colleagues
would not speak to me. Luckily, I had a supportive manager who was my advocate and persuaded them to cooperate with me on projects. At another company, I dealt with gender
discrimination not only from co-workers but also from several clients to the point where my manager had to intercede. There were also two particular incidents where I encountered
my first experience of sexual harassment – one from a recruiter and a second one from a client.

Having moved on to another position, I soon discovered that being hired as a “token” female came with the territory of the profession I chose. Not that it should come as a surprise
but after being hired, my manager even forbid me from contributing to any “real” projects for several months. Even though my qualifications exceeded the job requirements, I was
quickly reduced to a secretary. I spent my time checking documentation, arranging lunches and taking notes at meetings. My daily work environment consisted of mainly Caucasian,
blue-collar male workers who had moved up the career ladder without having to deal much with women or people of other cultures on a professional level. Eventually, I found a
comrade in a female colleague; together we shared the absurdity of what we experienced each day. We would voice an idea and it would be ignored and then a man would express
the same idea and it would be heard. The men mentored each other and looked out for each other - we women were on our own. I grew tired of this and finally, one day I demanded
to work on a real project. My manager assigned me to one he believed was insignificant but warned that I could do nothing without the approval of the male workers!
Underestimating the work involved, he never expected it to become a high profile project requiring a significant amount of engineering troubleshooting over a holiday weekend – a
project that I handled successfully on my own. Given my success, I decided that I would no longer put up with the discrimination I was facing every day. I put him on the spot and told
him that I knew he didn’t have any faith in me , that he had put me on the project just to pacify me and had assumed that there wasn’t much that I could have possibly done to either
endanger the network or protect it. His reaction? He laughed nervously without saying a word. I think my message was sent and from that moment, I became empowered to
successfully take on one project after another.

Throughout my accomplishments and experiences as a professional woman, there are two other observations that I have come to terms with. The first is about the kind of things
that women do to other women. I was really disappointed one day to find out that my female comrade once applied for the same position I was being considered for without telling
me and tried to undermine me while continuing to share in our daily rants. She would take what I said to her in confidence and tried to cut me to the chase. It just so happens that a
new director came on board – one who had a notorious reputation for sexual harassment. I guess he wanted to start off better than the last place. So, being that my female comrade
and I were the only minorities – and the only women in the department - two positions were created and we ended up managing all of the men who had been giving us a hard time
all these years. Now that was interesting! We still had to work harder than ever but the two of us succeeded by bringing in aspects to the job that I think women do so well in - focus,
direction, organization, nurturing, attention to detail and team morale.

The second observation that I’ve made is that we as women do way too much. I have seen this firsthand with the worker’s wives who became my friends and with female colleagues
and women from our community. I’ve seen women over-extend themselves cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, taking care of their children and husbands and handling the battles
of the workplace. We as women work twice as hard at work, go home to do the same and then return the next day to do even more. It is unfair but it is a part of being a working
woman in a society that expects women to do more and more with very little support. On the flipside, looking back, had it not been for supportive managers and colleagues who were
culturally aware and gender-sensitive, some of these situations would not have turned out too well, so it's important to garner that type of support. At the end of the day though, there
are always obstacles to overcome no matter what we do, so it’s important to find your inspiration and stay motivated. For me, I love the aspect of taking something, creating a
solution and implementing it. There is a beauty to that. It is challenging and always interesting – engineering, that is and so worth it.

I am in awe of women who do it all (motherhood, work, etc), they inspire me. But, somehow, I
find myself not really belonging to this group. I take inspiration from people who have done
meaningful things with their lives such as voluntary work and those who lived through many
crises in their lives. As someone who has gone through that and judged at every level, women
with this kind of inner strength inspire me. I came across such women at MANAVI, an
organization that aims to end violence against South Asian women living in the U.S. These
women who after being left by their husbands, left to care for their kids alone, without papers,
money or an education and not knowing any English – persevered, managed and prospered –
it is they who inspire me to live life no matter what might come my way.

Sometimes, when you least expect it, the tides turn. Last Fall, I was promoted to Senior
Manager and now supervise more than a dozen male subordinates and several networks
across the country! Also, during all of these years, a wonderful man at work grew to appreciate
my inner qualities, my independence, my intelligence, my culture as well as my heart and has
since become Muslim. After twelve years I finally found Mr. Right. Praise be to God.

ABOUT LIVING LIFE

Sheena and Frank during their Nikkah (the
Islamic marriage ceremony).

A radiant and reflective Sheena.

The staff of Amaany Magazine were captivated by Sheena
Arshad's warmth and openness in sharing her story. She is
an inspiration for women everywhere who have overcome
personal tragedies and professional challenges through
faith, determination and conviction.

Living and Leading Your Life Doing What You Love: An Engineer's Story

SHEENA ARSHAD
Edited by Amal A. Hageb

Sheena in Egypt

Sheena & Frank in Montreal

Send your comments and questions regarding this article to: womensleadership@amaany.org.